Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize