you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it's great music for shaving your balls
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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