I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize