dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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