he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You need a sexual gate keeper
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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