i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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