My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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