I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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