my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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