I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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