I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize