I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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