it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize