just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Operation Purity has been aborted
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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