well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize