I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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