omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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