you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize