i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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