If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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