and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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