We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
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No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize