Texts From Last Night

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  (831): View more from California

  dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains

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  (831): dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains http://tfl.nu/i60z
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.

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  (860): when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ckot
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

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  (732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

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  (508): I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/gqi2
  Replies (8) Good night (5049) Bad night (1163)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.

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  (515): Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake. http://tfl.nu/j6cx
  Replies (3) Good night (2507) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick

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  (901): I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick http://tfl.nu/35jp
  Replies (11) Good night (4812) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??

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  (304): Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away?? http://tfl.nu/5x5i
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"

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  (216): I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely" http://tfl.nu/sd7p
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.

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  (770): Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way. http://tfl.nu/age7
  Replies (9) Good night (916) Bad night (1289)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.

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  (703): I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you. http://tfl.nu/i8ov
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking

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  (813): Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/kd2w
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.

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  (586): Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband. http://tfl.nu/u4p0
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  (559): View more from California

  Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus

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  (559): Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus http://tfl.nu/vfd2
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.

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  (610): And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting. http://tfl.nu/51mm
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..

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  (814): My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime.. http://tfl.nu/op0p
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt

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