this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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