it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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