Pappa wants mamma naked
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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