where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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