i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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