seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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