So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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