Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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