just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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