Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize