I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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