I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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