My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize