my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize