I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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