it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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