don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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