btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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