hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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