Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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