Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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