Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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