well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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