thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I sprained my soul last night
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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