If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize