I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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