I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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